Divorced Women: We're Not Leftovers

Sherry Lee
14 July, 2020

Over the past thirty years, divorce rates have doubled after more women have found the courage to step out of a relationship they don’t wish to continue. However, unreasonable judgments were used to shame these women for ending their marriages. That then has caused people to turn away from divorced women regardless of whether they even tried to get to know their personalities as human beings.

Women who are brave enough to leave what was promised to be a committed relationship for the rest of their lives are also being humiliated into hiding the fact that they had a divorce. The choice to leave a marriage should not be a reason to decide a woman’s character.

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“Used” Women

According to the “social criteria”, if a single woman has the added factor of being married before compared to those who weren’t, they are considered as “used” and “second-handed”. It’s as if divorced women are worn out, like toys or clothes. Yet, nobody is able to specify what “used” meant in the first place. 

The term “used” is to claim that the previous partner of hers has utilized her completely. Not to mention, the usual presumption for the divorce is that either the woman did something wrong to jeopardize the marriage or they weren’t good enough to be a wife by the standards of their partners, their partners’ families, or both. Plus, the fact that she had this special moment of a wedding ceremony and lived life with someone else before is also hard to accept for some people.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

However, by being “used”, it also meant that the woman has been through a marriage and experienced what married life is like. She would have learned and encountered the responsibilities and complications of being a wife. She would know what they should do as a married couple to create a happy environment for the household. Now that her marriage has ended, she probably knows what a happy married life should be. They can guide through the rights and wrongs of a married relationship. They would be able to make the marriage smoother, thus making sure their current marriage would last as long as their partner would cooperate. 

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How is that bad?

Single Mothers

From a more neutral perspective, any woman should have the right to leave a relationship they don’t feel comfortable with no matter what other outside factors they have to consider, even if it is her own children. While the kids are an important aspect to be concerned about for a divorce, it shouldn’t be used to castigate divorced women.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Yes, the children are innocent, and they do not deserve to be dragged into the mess adults have created. From that, many single mothers are being berated for ruining their children’s lives for their own selfish gain. However, it’s because children shouldn’t be involved and suffer the consequences of an unhappy relationship between their parents that the marriage should end. As their only role models, the parents wouldn’t be modeling any kind of healthy bond, they wouldn’t be creating a positive atmosphere for the children to grow up in, and the kids could be badly influenced and learn the wrong things from their miserable relationships with their spouses.

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

Rather than staying in a broken marriage for the sake of the children, it’s the responsibility of the parents to have this divorce for a better environment for their kids to mature in. Single mothers have bravely left not just for themselves, but also for the benefit of their kids to grow up without fear of abandonment triggered by disinterest and disengagement between their parents. Divorcing isn’t selfish, it’s a fresh new start for everyone to seek for the true happiness in their lives.

Just A Breakup

A divorce is just a glorified breakup with an extra certificate. The experience of a marriage doesn’t suddenly depreciate a woman’s value. Divorced women are still human beings, and they are still the same person albeit more knowledgable after a breakup. They are giving themselves a chance to restart and find happiness after a disappointing relationship, much like women who broke up with their partners without marriage. Both have left a relationship to improve themselves, both are seeking the right path in their lives, and both are healing from the pain their last relationships might have caused.

Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash

Yet, the patriarchal society would shame women for taking the initiative to heal, believing them to be inconsiderate and should sacrifice themselves for the family, whether her own or her husband’s parents. It’s as if they have lost their individuality and are only considered “the wife of someone else” once betrothed. There shouldn’t be any differences between how people view a divorced woman and a woman who went through a breakup.

To all the ladies out there, whether you’ve had a divorce or not, never forget your values, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. A woman, divorced or not, is still their own person.

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