Pressured to "Complete Our Lives" with Marriage

Sherry Lee
24 July, 2020

A marriage is a formal union between two people under a social and legal contract that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally. So, two people are supposed to spend the rest of their lives together in physical, financial, emotional, and mental cooperation under an agreement by law with a certificate confirming their matrimony. Doesn’t that sound so much more pressuring than just “getting married?” If it’s such a huge responsibility, why is there an expectation for women to be married to “complete their lives?”

Life Incomplete?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

There is this belief, especially in Asian countries, that a woman has to be married to fulfill life goals. To fully live life, she has to be wedded to a man. Not that it’s a bad thing to be married to the one we truly love, who also loves and cherishes us back, but it takes time to find the one we are willing to have such a big commitment with. However, not only do we have to worry about our own patience, we have to consider other people’s patience of us finally getting hitched as well.

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay 

Combining two people’s lives means the connections each person has in their own families and social circles as well. So, with that included, if we were to assume everyone in both ours lives also has this belief that a woman will have her life completed by settling down, this pressure to just seal the deal would come from everywhere. To prove that, here are four women sharing each of what they heard over and over when being pushed to get married and their own views on the matter.

Age

Shanshan, 29

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I never understood why age 30 is the threshold for women to believe that’s when they start degrading. Ever since I turned 28, I’ve been hearing from my parents, relatives, and even friends of my parents how I have to find a man and get married soon. Now I’m nearing thirty, and they act as if I’m going to be cursed to be single forever if I’m not married by then.

They told me I’d be losing value. By what measurement are we following? I’m not the stock nor investment market. How does anybody quantify anyone’s value? And what superpower do men have to see this “value” of mine to determine whether I’m worthy enough to marry or not? Why do I even have to adhere to this measuring system?

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

If you’re having as many ridiculous questions like the ones I’ve listed, you’re doing great. Your value is determined by your character and your accomplishments, not by how you look and certainly not by your age. When they say age doesn’t matter, it should apply to everything.

Work and Money

Kwok, 33

Worrying about me going out alone for my job is understandable, but convincing me to get married, so I don’t have to work and spend money is ludicrous. I don’t want to live the rest of my life asking for allowances, and that is to assume he would even give me an allowance. Besides, the expectation of not needing to work after marriage is not realistic. I know I can’t guarantee my life and my needs if I have to depend on someone else.

Image by mohamed Hassan on Pixabay

I like having my own job. It’s a sense of security that I have my life together. If the relationship doesn’t work out, I’m going to end up having nothing left if I stay jobless and not financially independent. With all the stories out there of wives being thrown out and nowhere to go after a divorce, I’m not risking it.

Grandkids

Cassidy Kim, 22

I’m only 22 years old, and my parents are already talking about grandkids. I’m not even dating anybody, but I’m constantly getting told how it’s better for women to have kids at a younger age. Now I’m sure they wouldn’t want me pregnant at the age of 22. Though I am pretty sure they’re trying to make sure this idea is in my head so that I will get married and have kids in the next five years or something to “complete my life.”

Image by silviarita from Pixabay

I don’t have anything against kids, but I am in no way ready for them. They’re just making me want to avoid the idea of having children. They claim they’ll take care of their grandchildren, and that I can go on with my life, but if I were to become a mother I don’t think I’d “abandon” my children with their grandparents like the worst parent ever. The bottom line is, I will not get married just to give my parents a grandchild to play with. My body isn’t a toy manufacturer, and grandchildren aren’t toys. 

“Happiness”

Malinda, 41

Image by Jess Foami from Pixabay

I have been told if I got married, I will be fulfilled and happy. So I did when I was 28, and my marriage lasted for six months. It was the worst six months of my life. We had no planing and had no idea what we were doing. And through that unhappy marriage, we both realized we weren’t ready at all. We kept telling each other how we’ve changed so much after the wedding, but really, we just weren’t ready for the shift of the mode of our relationship. We both wanted to pursue our careers and were dating each other because we wanted some sort of companionship.

Photo from Pixabay

I don’t think anybody can really be fulfilled with their lives. Even on our deathbeds, we’d probably think back and regret not doing certain things and marriage wouldn’t change that. I’m way past the age most people believe to be the prime age for getting married, but I’m happy. I say I’m doing the right thing if all of this is just for us to be happy and fulfilled in the end. I’m not married but I am very happy.

We’re Not Ready

Whether marriage will make us happy at a certain age for various reasons, it differs from each individual. Therefore, the belief is unreasonable for it doesn’t work with every female out there. Divorce rates have increased because people are ready for weddings, but not the ramifications of marriage. It’s a much bigger commitment than “live together” as most people assume.

Photo by @thiszun from Pexels

People are allowed to have other goals in life than getting married and end there. To all the women out there, you don’t have to rush to find a man and settle down. Marriage isn’t the answer to life, do not let anyone else pressure you into it. We don’t need the distraction of “I need to get married” to cloud our judgment for our future.

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